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Post by Dean Robinson on May 23, 2008 13:30:13 GMT -5
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! " It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
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Post by Dean Robinson on May 23, 2008 13:56:15 GMT -5
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely wanker. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
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Post by Dean Robinson on May 23, 2008 13:56:52 GMT -5
A Blonde is watching the news with her husband.
The newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying. Turning to her husband she says sobbing, "That's horrible".
Confused, he responds, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving. And, well, there is that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing says, "Honey, how many is a Brazilian?"
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Post by Dean Robinson on May 23, 2008 13:59:48 GMT -5
Murphy's Lesser-known Laws ...
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
11. Everything electrical runs on smoke. If you let the smoke out, it won't work anymore.
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Post by Dean Robinson on May 23, 2008 14:01:06 GMT -5
A young, very attractive redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
"You're not really a redhead, are you?" says the doctor.
"No," she admits. "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," said the doctor.
"But how did you know?" asks the woman.
"Your finger is broken," says the doctor.
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