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Post by smartlady23 on May 1, 2007 20:54:05 GMT -5
Hi i am in a bit of a situation and need some advice, my 23 month old son was apprehended from me and my husband may 5th/06 and still remains in cas. I have other children whom remain in our care. At the time he was apprehended he had problems wrong with him one being that he had a feeding adversion and wouldn't drink and two he eventually was diagnosed with acid reflux. all these problems started at the age of 2 months old where he found it painful to eat and wouldn't drink. He then had a feeding tube inserted in his nose and underwent several tests to see why he just wouldn't eat. He was apprehended because cas says me and my husband didn't pay enough attention to him and that he was malnutritioned. I am very disturbed by all this because he has had problems since 2 months old and we have taken him to the hospital several times to get him help but all those times it was just put against us from cas in court saying we didn't provide the best care for him when all we ever did was try and get him help. he remains in care and since being in care he has been in the hosp over 20 times if not alot more for the same reasons as in our care vomiting,coughing,gagging when on tube feeds,fever's,dehydrations, not eating etc. he then was transferred to Ottawa's cheo sick kids hosp. where they were very Good and accurate and did some of there own tests and had found something wrong with him which then gave us a relief. They found out that the upper sphincter's in my son's stomach weren't opening and closing like they should and everything he was eating or drinking was coming right back up so they had to go in and operate, where they wrapped some of the stomach around the esophagus to put pressure on the sphincter's plus inserted a Gtube in his tummy. He recently was vomiting again which from the surgery they done said it would prevent vomiting so we were all worried about that. he was admitted back in the hosp in the place i live and was there for a week for vomiting, gagging, and drainage around the site of his tube. he is also back on acid block medication and is out of hosp and so far is doing good. I am currently fighting cas and hoping something gives because this is ridiculous what they are putting my family through especially when i have other kids with us that are fine and healthy. All this is doing is putting us through pain and suffering because its very clear that what is going on isn't a result of anything we have done its medical and cas doesn't wanna admit that they keep pointing finger's at us.
please someone help or provide advice cause we need closure thanks
Smartlady23
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Post by REALITY on May 1, 2007 21:27:58 GMT -5
Is this phyloric stenosis? Are they using the illness to make a case that you are unable to care for his medical needs?
At what stage is the protection order in court? Have they applied for crownwardship? Has there been any family willing to take the child?
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Post by Dean Robinson on May 1, 2007 21:40:32 GMT -5
Is this phyloric stenosis? Are they using the illness to make a case that you are unable to care for his medical needs? At what stage is the protection order in court? Have they applied for crownwardship? Has there been any family willing to take the child? good questions Reality' the more we know the more advice we can give you. plese let us know.
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Post by smartlady23 on May 1, 2007 22:07:11 GMT -5
at this point in court cas wants 6 months society ward but i think the judge wants to give me a chance i dont know he increased my access with my son so im hoping thats a good sign and no its not phyloric stenosis. He has been tested for a whole bunch of diseases etc and nothing just the fact that he had problems inside with his stomach and has acid reflux pretty bad and has his liquids through a feeding tube
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Post by REALITY on May 1, 2007 22:11:40 GMT -5
The problems with his stomache sound like Phyloric Stenosis.
Do you have lawyer or are you fighting this yourself?
Have you been able to spend time with him in the hospital? Are you being kept informed of his medical condition?
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Post by smartlady23 on May 1, 2007 22:16:31 GMT -5
Also when my son was assessed for problems with his tummy, the surgeon even said he was born with it but wouldnt put anything in writing cause he isnt in my care but my lawyer is suppose to be getting a letter from this surgeon as hopefully it will help me and also my lawyer works through legal aide im feeling like she isnt fighting enough for me
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Post by smartlady23 on May 1, 2007 22:19:28 GMT -5
also they were saying we were doing things and saying things when it is untrue and all we are doing is trying to get him back by doing classes and councelling and cooperating with everything they ahve wanted us to do
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Post by smartlady23 on May 1, 2007 22:21:15 GMT -5
yes they have to inform me of any medical appts for him etc and we are allowed to attend them. yes i have a lawyer through legal aide but dont feel she is fighting hard enough for us cause she is always telling me to stay calm grrr. and yes we see him for visits we havent in a bit now because he has been in hosp but the visits have been increased and start back up next week for 3 days a week 7 hours each and yes we attend the hosp and out of town appts for him
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Post by REALITY on May 1, 2007 22:27:08 GMT -5
3 days a week for 7 hours is unheard of. They are giving you a lot of time. Your lawyer must be doing something right here. Are they supervised? I would assume that if the CAS has agreed to this visit plan, they must also have some faith in you. I am happy to see you are being informed of his medical condition and allowed to be involved in his medical care. What has been the outcome any court procedings thus far?
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Post by smartlady23 on May 1, 2007 22:36:31 GMT -5
yes its good i am gonna be seeing him this much but not that cas wants it i made a statement in court that cas should say i cant parent my son when they ahvent given me the chance so now the judge is so its kinda to test me to see if with all the problems my son has can i actually parent him like the foster mom doesn and i know she is overwhelmed with it also. and it was my lawyer that got me extended access visits and no she isnt doing much for me i hardly communicate with her only just before court.
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Post by smartlady23 on May 1, 2007 22:38:37 GMT -5
oh and yes the visits are supervised
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Post by Dean Robinson on May 1, 2007 23:01:00 GMT -5
the only reason that a judge would extend visits to this length of time is because hes trying to get your child ready mentaly to go home with you, you see its would not be in the best interest to of the child to get the child hopes up then totaly pull to out of the childs life. all lawyers are like this. when you go to see your sun tape all your conversations with him and the worker that is there keep your cool because they will try to test you and get you to do something stupid so they can use it against you. Im not going to candy coat this, the worker will try to start aguments with them dont be goated into this . remember that you get more from honey then you do vinigar, but do not let them oush you around ether let them know you are aware of your rights in a kind personal conversation. the supervising worker will be writeing down things such as how you talk with your child and how your child responds back to you.... I think your lawyer may have something in your favore if you feel the need to talk more with the lawyer ask them for an appointment in the office to discuss your case, most lawyer in a court house are not prepaired to talk the wals have ears.
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Post by smartlady23 on May 2, 2007 7:04:09 GMT -5
Thanks i was thinking the same thing about the judge extending my visits and getting my son ready to come home because i have been waiting for this moment for a long time. He has alot wrong with him and i think he needs to be with his family through it all not a foster mom. They were using on me before about his medical condition being our fault now its not even that now its whether we can parent him or not our parenting capacity, plus they are using the fact that we have other children when the foster mom has some of her own also. I have thought about recording the visit but the thing is those recorder's arent cheap and i cant really afford one right now but i do record everything in a journal. the only thing i can suggest is my video camera i ahve one of those i dunno. i have had quite a few outbursts with the workers and they have used that on me so i think this is my opportunity to shine and not get angry and to just have a good time with my son when they visits start. I just get really frustrated when they constantly lie and say there is a problem with our interaction with our son and how we do things with him etc when we have a good time and make the best of it with him when he is here.
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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 7:26:54 GMT -5
You are not alone. This is happening to everyone.
One of the most important things I can stress is "stay calm and composed". I know this is extremely hard to do amid all the accusations and lies, but it really is in your best interest to keep your composure.
Being angry, impatient defensive and emotional are all valid reactions when you are in this situation. The only problem is, the CAS will use these against. They do not see it as a natural reaction to you loving your child.
From their point of view, if you are unable to handle a stressful situation, then how are you going to handle your children. Raising children is stressful, no doubt about it, but it is how you conduct yourself throughout these stressful times that they will make a lot of their conclusions.
Your full focus needs to be about your child. Keep your resentment for the CAS in check and gather yourself together and use the courts to fight with them.
The Judge will ultimately make a decision about your ability to provide care to your child based on what is happening outside of court.
Do not waste your energy on fighting with the social workers. You will gain nothing from this. You will stand to lose a lot more.
They do not like to lose. They will try and use everything negative against you. Do not give them any ammunition.
Prove yourself and your family to be a loving stable environment for your child. PERIOD! Keep your appointments, be early, arrive in a great mood ready to commit every second to your child and not waste any precious moments on the CAS. No matter what you say or what you do they will try and find something wrong.
Try and form a good relationship with those who are involved with his medical care. If you have any nurses that are sympathetic to your cause, ask them to write a letter on your behalf.
This is going to be a very big and hard bump in your road. You will get through it. There are many here to support you along the way.
I would also have to agree with Dean on the issue of access. Like I said 3 days and 7 hours is a long time. Most are lucky to get one 2 hours visit a week. This is a good sign. Use this time to the best of your advantage and concentrate only on your child while you are with him. He will also be better off for it.
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Post by smartlady23 on May 2, 2007 7:56:23 GMT -5
awsome thanks i will try all this advice i is so helpful. And i think u asked me before reality if the cas was using my son's medical condition on us and yes they are that is why they dont think we cant parent him because he is so high needs with the problems he has.
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