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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 21:55:26 GMT -5
really so what example is that setting though we are on welfare and need another source of income because what we get just isnt enough. We have other children that we need to support also and thats where the stress comes into it all Who are you trying to set an example for? Your other children at home or the CAS? If it is your children at home, you will set a better example by letting them know that you will fight for you family, whatever it takes. If it is the CAS, I'm sure they would agree that your child needs you more. Sometimes we have to make severe sacrifices in the name of saving our children. I am sure that your ill child needs you more right now than you need money. Again, this is just my personal opinion. Yours may differ greatly from mine. I can however guarantee that I know the situation of having to make the choice to leave work very personally.
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Post by MConn on May 2, 2007 21:57:21 GMT -5
As reality said you both should go to support each other they do not like this they will keep trying to separate you both show them your family is strong. Our shifts my wife and I had arranged I would work the night shift and she would work the days as she went to work I was coming home I would get the children up and make breakfast and get them off to school then go to bed. My wife would come home at the same time the children would be coming home from school. I would be getting up at 5:00pm to get ready for work spend a couple of hours with the children then go to work I did have every other weekend off but it was too hard to switch around and being on call. It was even harder when CAS came in with their fabricated stories staying up and switching all the time I ended up with total burn out. That is now behind us you have a better chance stay together work together they do not like it they will try to separate you don't let them do that to you they are only in it for the money not the child find people you can trust to talk to just keep it together
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Post by smartlady23 on May 2, 2007 22:00:16 GMT -5
well i thank u for your advice and i will take it into deep consideration and ur right my son needs me more then work needs me right now and thats what i wanna prove to cas. I am just worried that if i work my butt off doing these visits and do everything possible to get him home cas will still get what they are asking for 6 months society wardship after working so hard. then after that what am i to think if i worked so hard and they still got what they wanted they dont care what i do they are gonna go to extremes to keep my son i know it. But im willing to work my hardest but i know if they get 6 months im eventually gonna have to find work instead of sitting at home having hope that he will come home and maybe never
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Post by darrensgirl on May 2, 2007 22:06:21 GMT -5
I suggest if you get a job work around it. My hubby works he lets his boss know what days he cannot work, I went for an interview and told them that the one day was out of the question because of visits. Most employers will be flexible if you give them enough notice.
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Post by smartlady23 on May 2, 2007 22:09:55 GMT -5
ya but with the job i applied to recently its for a maternity position and eventually leading to full time alot of employers i find around here if u go in telling them u can work only on certain days they say forget it as it shows ur lack of responsibility to them and that ur not reliable and ur kids get in the way or ur job so i dunno it hard
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Post by MConn on May 2, 2007 22:11:14 GMT -5
You know what reality the CAS is suppose to accommodate working people and they are suppose to set up meetings and visits when the parent was off their shift I should have had our worker come to meeting with me on my shift like at 3:00am ?
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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 22:11:37 GMT -5
"IF" they keep him. You need to believe you will have a successful outcome if you are doing everything in your power to make this happen.
Try not to dwell on the "what if's". Be confident and sure of yourself and your family.
I agree that if the outcome is not as expected, then this would be the right time to return to work. Even then though, you should never give up your fight.
At 2 years old, he must feel very confused and frustrated with the way his life has gone so far. Due to the severities of his illnesses he will probably need help in the future with his developmental abilities. Think to the future, include these things in your plan of care. Show you are prepared for the care of this child now and in the future.
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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 22:15:30 GMT -5
I in no way disagree with working while you have children. I did it my whole life as a single mother. I do however think that at this time, given the current situation with this child, and the schedule of visits being 3 days a week for 7 hours each day, that looking for or accepting new work is not in the best interest of this family.
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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 22:18:00 GMT -5
I am sure that the CAS will use this against you. It will not show a commitment to your child. (kinda the same way you are saying your prospective employer would believe you could not show a commitment to your job)
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Post by smartlady23 on May 2, 2007 22:18:44 GMT -5
yes i understand reality and im trying but sometimes im at the end of the road and no where else to go. I feel me and my hubby doing parenting class,councelling, and attending all appts for my son in care is more then i can do. Plus i educate myself online with what my son is going through to see if i can change more about how i go about his care and by the looks of things im doing what i need to. It just seems that though me and hubby interact and do everything we need to for our son at visits the advadavids for court when they come in from cas surprise us cause they cut us down in every possible way and its hard and the judge wonders why i get so emotional in court and break down i still do at home its hard seeing him even though he has been in care 1 yr but i love him to death. As his mom i wanna be there to help him through tough times but its hard when he isnt with me and i miss the days if watching him grow up, i just need a better defense system against cas. I have even asked for unsupervised access and they tell me no
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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 22:24:09 GMT -5
What is their reasoning for supervised visits?
I know it's overwhelming. You have to expect that the CAS is going to try and show you as a liability to this child.
They use the same tactics against everyone.
Do you have other family members who are supporting you? Where are your visits being held? CAS offices? What does the court order say about who is supposed to supervise?
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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 22:28:55 GMT -5
Are there other accusations regarding his care other than his health issues? Why are they making you take parenting classes and councelling? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense if you still have children in your care. If they have other issues besides his health, why does it not affect your parenting ability with the others?
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Post by smartlady23 on May 2, 2007 22:31:24 GMT -5
i have supervised visits because the impression i get is they dont think we can care for our son with him being so high needs thats all i can get from it but i have never been really told why they just keep throwing that in our faces. I have the visits at my own home they started in the beginning at cas but now at my house. No where we live we have absolutely no family members here they live about 6 hours from here we always communicate on the phone but thats it. we moved here for school and then they took our son and wont transfer him. and no there is no specific person to supervise the visits but there is one person who has been doing it awhile and continues to do it
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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 22:35:50 GMT -5
It's really too bad that you don't have family close by to support you. They could be ideal candidates for supervision. You have never really been told why? What does it say in your court papers? What does your lawyer say? You have to have a really clear understanding of why your child is in care before you can begin to fight effectively. It's pretty hard to prove a deffense if you don't even know the accusations. Read your court papers. Read the protection order. It will all be outlined in these documents.
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Post by REALITY on May 2, 2007 22:40:01 GMT -5
Having the visits at home and for such extended periods is a really good sign. Pat yourself on the back. You must be doing something right.
These visits would be really important to show how you are able to take care of his needs and the needs of your household in your own environment.
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